Wow...so long time no post.
What's new with me?
Not a thing.
My best friend is sorta/kinda still with the asshole. Kinda helps the break up session if you actually move out of the house that he's living in. But hey what do I know I don't date! Yay.
Work is work. Busy season is coming up starting next week. THIS IS ME BEING EXCITED. So not. But eh.
Married man has officially been removed from like list. The longer I work with him the older he looks.

I'm still crushin' on the one guy I saw at the bar with Wolf Eyes. I saw him in the bar a LONG time ago. Back in September actually and every time I go out I look for him. I think he was just passing through town. Eh what's a girl to do.

I had a disturbing dream the other night. It was about my asshole ex(if you can call an asshole who led you on that). But yeah he's in Iraq or was not sure where he is now just as long as I don't see him. Not sure I could take it. He did a number on me. Anyway he was in my dream and I was working as a journalist. Yeah don't know. And he's my assignment. I had to interview him. Yes I did. I was pissed off in my dream. I knew it was a dream because I knew there was no way in my sane mind would I ever talk to him by choice. So I was pissed because he was in the dream and I was pissed because I had to talk to him. I was not nice. I'm like "what the hell are you doing here?" and he's all with his sad puppy dog eyes, "I just got back." He followed me around in the dream. I seriously wanted to kick him.
When I woke up from the nightmare I was angry. It's been almost 2 years since I've seen the bastard and yet he still haunts me. I'll be sitting here reading things about people's boyfriends and then all of a sudden this picture of him opening the car door for me pops up. Our first date was bowling. I can't go there anymore without feeling sick. God damn my photographic memory. He was a dick and I fell for him. Probably even loved him and now this all happens again.
To top this off I found out through my best friend that he's coming home. Right around the time I had the dream he wrote my friend a message on myspace. Talk about creepy. So yeah I'm dealing with the aftermath that is him. I like to pretend he doesn't exist. So not working.

To top that off I'm falling for a friend, but he now has a girlfriend. And whenever that happens we barely communicate. And I'm thinking this is the one that's going to be the one to end our close friendship. From now on it's going to be random emails, texts and Christmas Cards. Oh God I hate getting older. You know you are drifting into married lets pair off with people stage when all you have to fall back on is the Christmas Cards you'll be receiving. I don't want the friendship to end but then again its sad. He's been really the closest friend I've had for six years. But I want him happy. Even though I'm allowed to hate the girl a little.

This weekend I will be doing something I have never done before. I'm going to go see male strippers. Oh yes I am. I'm a prude. Let's get this straight now. Whenever someone says dildos in public I turn tomato red. However I won't lie and say I've never really thought about sex or the guys I wouldn't mind being with. However when it comes to the sex industry, prostitutes, strippers, porn stars I am just fascinated by it. I don't know why I just am. Probably because they are all the exact opposites of what I am. Call me curious but if I ever became friends with any of the above I'd be drilling them with questions right and left until they hated me. So this stripper thing this weekend should be interesting. I will blush, I will turn red, and I hope to God it is dark in there.

Anyway that is all that is up with me. Hope all is well.
T

Married guy at work must stop doing what he's doing. He says things to me that if a person not knowing he was married would walk in and take it as flirting. Not only that but the thing he said made no sense to me and I might have heard it wrong. But eh...he's a pain in the ass. The good thing is he pissed me off with his picking on me one day and that night I had a dream he was married to a hideous monster. He of course is married to a sweet looking girl next door type. But I loved the fact he was married to a beast of a girl in my dream.

I wonder if people can read my eyes like an open book or if I give more away than I think. It's either that or my face is not as cryptic as I once thought and my every thought pops out for the whole world to see. I hate that. Never knowing how much I give away.
But yeah, last night swear to God there was someone outside my house. The dogs started barking and went to the window. They don't do that unless there is a cat or a person. Normally if there is a cat they come back to bed. This time no go. It was midnight and I had to get up early. So needless to say I found my softball bat from yesteryears and picked it up and went and checked. Of course saw no one but I still got that feeling that I was being watched. It's times like these that the thought my dog can rip a guys balls off brings comfort to me. A person would be insane to mess with my dog. She's the alpha female and is kind of picky about who she likes.

Have you ever read a book that just tugs at your heart and you seriously can't get it out of your system? Like it's drawing on something you hated about it or you liked about it?
I just finished the Twilight series books written so far by Stephenie Meyer and it seriously...I don't know something about it just tugs at my heart. I loved loved loved the first book. (Don't worry I'm not going to give to much away and if I do lj cut will be used). But the second book I don't know it was kind of like "The Great Depression" book. And the third book broke my heart. And it bugged me for some reason. Like eh...I'll put that behind a cut...

( Ethics )

I am wearing a sweatshirt in August. I am freezing! I think it's part cold and part me coming down with a cold. But still it's crazy. I love sweatshirts though. I live in them. Sometimes I wish I lived in Alaska so I could wear them year round.
Anyway whats going on with me? Nothing knew here. But on the best friend front, she broke up again with her boyfriend. Good riddance. Now we just have to find her and her son a new place to live. However she called me today telling me that her ex's (baby daddy) mom wants Grandparent rights to her grandson. Which is pure bullshit because she has never cared before. Not to mention the lady is into weird voodoo shit I don't know what but it's weird. She or her mom is originally from Mexico and whatever voodoo they practice down there if they do (not sure this is what I was told) is what she does. She's crazy. Not to mention her son (the asshole from hell who I'd like to kick in the balls) lives with her still. He gets a job for a week then quits. Then gets another job and quits. H turns him in too hoping she gets child support but he's behind by 7000 dollars. Seriously, you know when us women were younger we were told that there were guys out there who were good and great and took responsibility...I have yet to meet one. I'm not joking. My brother's are the only good guys I know...and if I do know other ones they are taken. So yeah I'm kind of leaning towards the whole there are no good guys just give them a chance they'll eff it up.
Anyway life is good other than that.

I've started watching Big Brother 8. I watched it back when it first started and fell in love with the Josh guy they called Sloshy?? not sure if that's right but then stopped watching it. Now I watch it like habitually. I love it. I'm weird. Everyone loves Survivor I love the house. I would so be on that show.


How's everyone else?

I think that all of us are entitled to like the one "bad person." Bad person as in being the one you know if you went out with or did anything with your life would suck. Maybe not right away but once you got to know them better it would be the worst relationship ever.
I like such a person. I go through my phases. When I am around him I like him and I know I shouldn't because he's always drunk when I'm around him. Except for once in college he stayed at my apartment for a night to do some things in the city I was in at the time. He wasn't drunk and I still liked him. But when I'm not around him I'm just like yeah okay.
He's not the type of guy I would go for at all. He's an asshole when he's drunk. He's loud. He's good looking though. He is a single father, and has been known to sleep around and also make bets with his friends on who can sleep with the most girls in the summer. I'm not joking about that. I wish I was but I'm not. He's in the military/guards. And as much as things like the sleeping around/bets/rude while drunk should be a big no. I just can't stop liking him when he's around.
I know what really happened with him and the whole mother of his child and finding out he was the dad while he was on leave from Iraq. And so I think because of that I can sense there is a different side to him and I wish it would be me he showed it to. But at the end of the night when the bars close and we go our separate ways I know it's not a good idea and not a good thing. He's still an asshole when he drinks and he still sleeps around. And some of the stuff he says makes me wonder if he is showing off for his friends or is truly that way. But I will never know. He'll just be the friend at the bar who makes me laugh when I see him and gives me a hug even though we barely know each other. I don't know it could be the alcohol giving me that hug.
Guys confuse me. But I think we are all entitled to liking that bad person just a little.

Anyway I'm off to bed it's late.

My least favorite part of the weak is Sunday nights. You don't want the weekend to end so you try to make it last even though you have to work tomorrow so no staying up late. At least that is what I always try to tell myself. It never works.
I spent my weekend babysitting, and watching movies. I watched Miss Potter, it was sad. Although one thing bugged me. The CD picture cover has a picture of Ewan without a mustache, but I'm pretty sure he had a stache throughout the whole movie.
I also watched Bridge to Terabithia...oh I cried. I won't lie. It was sad.
Babysitting was an adventure. My best friend worked and had no other babysitter so she asked me. This rarely happens because 1. I have little patience for children. That might make me sound bad. But I'm not going to sit here and say "Oh I love kids I want 10" at one time I did say that until I realized they aren't born, then school age right away. It might be I'm a little too selfish to have kids right now. And I have to hand it to H, she does this pretty much on her own. I couldn't do that. Her boyfriend right now I'm really starting to dislike. He is making her feel like crap. He has his own baby that he just found out about. And well of course "he's trying to do the right thing and be in the baby's life" good for him. But the thing I have a problem with is that when his daughter is over at their house on a visit Hailey will put Lincoln in his high chair for dinner and he'll be like "Ugh I guess Ebony will eat last." If he ever said that when I was over there I'd kick his butt. I'm sorry but those two wouldn't be going out anymore if I was around them that much because I have a tendency for speaking up and breaking up H's relationships. But yeah Andy is a dumbass. He's my age and he acts like he's 16. He just got a new truck and he has that payment, insurance, child support, rent, and whatever bills he has every month. I don't think he's going to be able to do it. The asshole. I hope H leaves his ass.


Nothing big is happening this week. Eh, that's fine with me. I had to take my cell phone in to the store to get it sorted out because the damn thing keeps shutting off on it's own. That makes me mad because I use it as my backup alarm clock. And I'm the first one to work so it's pretty important.
Anyway I must dash...so I can go to sleep.

Random Knowlege:
I love thunderstorms. We had a big one today.

I haven't had time to read my friends page yet but I will. I just came on here real quick to express my love for New Stuff Tuesday.
This Tuesday I especially love it because the movie 300 just came out on DVD. I loved this movie. You have no idea. 300 hot goregous men in basically their skivvies is wow. Not to mention their abs! And come on Gerard Butler. If there is anything I'm more attracted to it's a Scottish man. Anyway I doubt that their was 300 actual hot men with perfect abs(some I wonder if they weren't airbrushed in). But I can dream.

And another reason for Tuesday love is...iTunes free downloads. I live for those. Not really, but hey it makes life interesting and there is always something to look forward to. Although seriously, iTunes, on some of that music what were you thinking? I could have done without some.

And another thing, if your teeth are cold sensitive/heat sensitive, why then when you go to the dentist they shoot coldcoldcold water into your mouth with the suction thingy? Seriously if one whammy wasn't bad enough now you have air and cold water shooting down into your mouth. I hate dentists. I just noticed today how cold that water was.

Anyway must get some sleep. I have an exciting day at work to look forward to. It's a Wednesday though. Halfway over. And since the Eye Candy at work has Thursday and Friday off I better enjoy it while I can...he's off limits though but I can look just not touch. He's married and unlike the fan at the Tim McGraw/Faith Hill concert I don't touch another girls husband even if it's on the ass. (Even if he doesn't wear a ring! pet peeve!)

*Waves* Hello to my new friends on LJ. I hope I'm not boring and bland to you guys. So just wanted to say hello and welcome to my world. Well from my point of view at least.

So I'm watching I Me Wed on Lifetime. First off Lifetime for woman rocks my socks. Although it has naturally cheesy movies but they all have a place in the world. For one they don't make you think. Two, they let you have that little "Awww I wish he was my boyfriend/husband/brother" type moments. This movie though, I Me Wed...I can relate to on a scary level. It seems to me that everyone or almost everyone I graduated with is getting married. Or having babies. One thing that I keep getting asked is "When are you getting married?" or "When are you having kids." I hate those questions. But the I Me Wed Movie I would never marry myself. Nope. Never even think about it. The movie is kind of depressing. 

And on Side order for Life What the hell is up with the creepy talking baby?

On the love front again...yes I know the love stuff again...is it possible for two people to fall in love and never have met? A friend I have has this penpal from England. She has been writing him for five years and she is convinced she doesn't love him but however, other people (not I) have told her she's in love with him. But I want to know is it possible? Because they've never met. She's obsessed with all things British and that is why she has a penpal.

Okay so everyone else is writing about it...and no I'm not like everyone else. But this is a topic that has to be addressed because it is end of the Canon that is Harry Potter. I finished the last book in three days. I could have finished it in 2 but I went shopping. So anyway I loved it but the ending was a little of a let down. No spoilers from me don't worry. I changed the channel to NBC's interview with JK Rowling. I love her. Seriously if I could write like her I'd die a happy woman. It's an amazing story and one that will be passed down to our children and their children because it's a timeless story. Good vs Evil. And Harry, Hermione and Ron are like ideal kids, they know the good from the bad and yep they still get in trouble but hell they kick ass. Anyway if you wish to discuss the book in the comments be warned there could be spoilers.

Lindsay Lohan=Dumbass.

There are some people I wouldn't mind kicking in the butt. She happens to be one of them. So does Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, and Britney Spears. Jessica Simpson is climbing the list though.

That's all I have to say.

What are you afraid of?

I'm not so sure I like that it's called Writer's Block. I just felt like answering. The truth about what I'm scared of is dying alone. I alienate myself from the world so much that I forget about the long term affect that can have. I want to get married someday, maybe have kids, I want to be the (Last Name), (Guy Name) & Taylor in the phone book. I don't just want it to say Smith, Taylor....Do you know how many Smith's there are in the world. Seriously. I've been single almost forever. And the relationships I did have you couldn't even mark down in the record books for anything. And I'm just scared that my own pickiness and my independent, I don't need anyone, attitude won't stand in the way of me finding someone to spend my life with. 
And let's face it, I hate driving, I want a guy who will drive. 

Speaking of relationships...
My Grandma thinks she has to set me up with a nice young man. A man she approves of. One that will fit into the family. One that will treat me the way she thinks I need to be treated. She once told me that God better do right by me in the man department otherwise he'll have to answer to her. And let me tell you I'd rather not piss off my Grandma. Anyway back to the setting up part. I'm not talking about an ordinary man off the street, next door or down the road. I'm talking about the kind that is unattainable and I'd be lucky to meet them in my lifetime. My Grandma, bless her, watches too much TV and movies. Not only that but she actually has a weekly list that she hands me with the names of "potential suitors" that I should go out with. In the past it has been filled with names such as...
Jude Law-She saw The Holiday and added him to the list. Then she found out he cheated on his wife with the nanny and she crossed him off the list faster than you could blink.
Jeff Corwin-until I told her he was married.
Ryan Seacrest- She said he had such an adorable face and I put my foot down on that one. Then she admitted he does have some Gay qualities and she didn't think he was right for me after all. Uh yeah.
Those are a few examples. This time she wrote down just one name.
It was Bobby Deen. She thinks he's the best option for me. She did say option. She said he loves his Mama, that worries me just a little. She said he has a sense of humor. That is true I've seen his show once or twice. She also said that he has a great smile and is good looking. I will give her that as well. It was at that point where I was agreeing with her that I stopped and did a what the hell am I saying. Bobby Deen is a guy who lives in Georgia, has a million girls and guys after him around the world. I on the other hand have no chance in hell with the guy. For one I will probably never step foot in Georgia because I have no reason to. And two, hell he can have a model if he wanted. And he's 36 and not married, many people think he's gay I just think that he's not ready to settle down. He may be a good guy but my Grandma had to have been dreaming that one up. Granted I'd take him over Ryan Seacrest anyday.

Do you know what bugs me about real guys though. Ones I can see and touch and talk to in person? That if they are married they don't wear a ring! It bugs me. I've had guys hit on me wearing a ring and then they tell me they are not married. Those guys I'd rather deal with then the guys who don't wear a ring. It's a pet peeve. If you are married and love your wife display that relationship on your ring finger. It saves us single girls from developing a crush on you.
I won't lie I have a crush on a married guy who doesn't wear a ring. I developed that crush before I knew he was married and now that I know he is, it's hard to shake that little crush.

So Hailey admitted to me today that she likes to sit around and think of different ways to make her boyfriend angry or just to annoy him. It's funny at first but then I just have to feel bad for Andy. I'm the first to admit it that girls/women are brutal. I can't ever picture behaving that way but then again I haven't been in a realtionship for longer than six months. But even then I don't think I have it in me to be that brutal. In fact I'm pretty sure I don't.
Hailey is the type of girl who doesn't care what people think about her. People look down on her because of that, but I have to respect her. She's a good mother and she makes sure Lincoln has everything he needs. Lincoln is my little buddy.
Am I jealous that Hailey has a family already and I'm on my own? Yeah I would have to say so. When we were little we had it all planned, we would move out together, find guys, get married, have kids, and our kids would be best friends just like we were. But like the cliche, life throws you a curve ball. We ended up fighting over decisions each of us were making in high school and we stopped talking for about a couple of years. I went off to college and she ended up taking time off from college, dating a couple of assholes, one of whom knocked her up. I was the reason they broke up. It was right after Lincoln was born. I remember the day well because I just remember wanting to kick Larry (the Ex) where it hurt. Hailey and I were sitting there watching movies. I was home on break from college and Hailey was left home alone with Lincoln so of course I would go keep her company. Larry came home that day and he was a jerk. He wanted to know why the house wasn't cleaned and why we were just sitting on the couch watching movies. I held my tongue. I thought at the time if this guy is the guy Hailey wanted to be with then I wasn't going to get involved. However the minute he called her stupid, my mouth just went off like it had a mind of its own. I put him in his place. After I left all hell broke loose I guess. Hailey hasn't told me much about what happened but I know she called me crying the next day asking me if I'd watch Lincoln while she moved her things and got a restraining order.
It turns out that Larry had a history of abuse with ex-girlfriends. From that moment on the guy was a piece of shit. When I saw him in the bar he would taunt me and try to get a response out of me. I never took the bait though. He scared me, I broke him and Hailey up and I pissed him off. After hearing what he was capable of from the guy I was seeing at the time, I will admit I was scared. I thought he'd go after me, but he'd be stupid with my brothers. Then I thought he'd go after Hailey. I stayed the night at her place a couple of times before I had to go back. But whenever I saw him I never showed my fear though because I would rather die before I let him know he got to me. The only thing Larry was good for was that he gave her Lincoln. Thank God Lincoln looks nothing like him. To this day however he goes around telling everyone that him and Hailey are going to get back together and that he wants to be apart of Lincoln's life. He hasn't seen Linc since that day I spoke up.
But that's the story of Hailey's life. She thinks she met the right guy and then he turned into a jerk. And it's been a pattern with us that when Hailey gets her heart broken or breaks up with a guy she always calls me crying. A couple of years ago I would have judged her for making those mistakes because I couldn't figure out why she couldn't be like me. But I've tried to stop judging her on the guys she picks. I do have a problem with Andy though. I think he needs to help out a little more and make it a partnership not a "honey can you wash my clothes and cook me dinner" type of relationship like it is now. But I'm not about to admit that to Hailey. And I do believe he has a mom that has the potential to be a "monster-in-law." And if thinking these things makes me a bad friend then so be it. But I can't help but feel it.

A part of me thinks that the reason why I am so picky with the guys I date is because of what I see Hailey goes through. I'm always there picking up the pieces that the guys leave behind. I know there are good guys out there, it's just the bad ones ruin it for all the others.

Anyway I am getting tired so off to bed I go...

---T

Well where to start?
This is my first entry and definitely not my last. I’m new to the blog world. I heard it is called the blogosphere. My name is Taylor my friends call me T. I’m a twenty-five year old single woman living in the same town I grew up in. Not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Why start a blog you might ask? Simple, I want to put my life into perspective. I want to share my point of view with others and what better way to do that than writing about it online. Many people sugarcoat their lives, they tell you only the good. They make themselves look better. They don’t make themselves look stupid, ignorant, or bitchy. I promise to give you the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have my stupid moments, I have my bitchy moments, and yes I am even ignorant.
When I first wrote this I was going to keep everyone a secret. But that takes away from my credibility. So I'm naming names and anyone in my life is fair game. My goal with this blog is to see in a year from now where I end up and what progress I have made in my life. I won’t update everyday but I will update often. I’m a perfectionist and once I start something I finish it.

So let’s get started shall we.
As I’ve mentioned I’m Taylor, and I’m single. I have three siblings all older then me. All married. Much to my parent’s dismay, I have remained single. And as far as I can see it will stay that way for a while. I just haven’t met the guy who peaks my interest enough for me to be wow, this guy could be someone that I can see myself with in ten-twenty-thirty plus years. I don’t date a guy without thinking he is someone I could end up married to and sharing my life with. So yes, I do have very high expectations and at times, I do admit they are extreme. I mean how hard is it to find a man out there who has a job, owns a vehicle, own/rents his own place, pay his bills on time, has never mistreated an ex, has a good relationship with his mother-but his mother can't scare the shit out of me and she can't have the potential to be a monster-in-law? The guy also has to have a love of family, be honest, and not have a reputation for a player, an asshole, or any thing that makes me look bad for dating him. Have I found a guy like this? Nope. Well so far I have found no one who fits the description. I'm pretty sure I will go into my dating history later as the year progresses but for now I'll sum it up in one word. Disaster.

Besides the dating front, my family means the world to me. My Momma-Sarah- works as a receptionist in a doctor’s office. She is a sweet natured woman. She hardly says the F bomb and when she does, I can’t help but laugh. It doesn’t matter if we are having a blown out fight (don’t lie you know families always fight even the best ones), the minute my Momma lets the F bomb fly I forget what I’m arguing with her about and laugh. My Pops-Frank- is a mechanic. He has a great passion for NASCAR. I wish I was joking about this but sadly, it feels like every time I go over to their house there is a NASCAR race on TV. I get dizzy watching the cars go around in circles so how he sits there all day watching it is beyond me. I think the beer helps, I honestly do. If you give me a beer, I might last watching the race for ten minutes. Give my dad a twelve pack he’s good the whole race. However, he’s my Pops and a daughter has to love his quirks.

My siblings, Jack, Paige, and Ben, well they are a long story and you will hear more about them for blog-isodes to come. Let's just say I don't get along with my older brother, and I get along great with the my other brother and my sister. Moms told me I'm too much alike my older brother and that is why we don't get along. That about sums it up for them for right now.

As for friends I have been blessed in that area as well. My best friend Hailey is a single mother of a 1 1/2 year old little boy. I've know Hailey since I was five. We met in kidnegarten and since then have been there for each other at every moment in our life so far. I was there for Lincoln's birth and she was at my graduation. Both of us have taken a different path in life but we know that we can always depend on the other.
For now that is pretty much the three areas of my life in a nutshell, family, friends and love life.
For tonight I best sign off. This girl has to get up in about 6 hours to head to my job as an office assistant for a company in my town. The company will remain unknown as I might, well I know I will be mentioning my coworkers in future updates.

So Safe Journey and Hope until next time (which is probably tomorrow).

---T